May be then..

Butterflyx3's Blog

66230_10151221709129239_1686280713_nI’m waiting to hear,
The words that would change everything,
But nothing comes out,
Your lips don’t move,
And I move further away,
Time will only tell,
If you and I,
Can carry on in this thing called love,
You got me feeling,
Like I’m going insane,
I wish I could climb the highest mountain,
And scream as high as I can,
Maybe then it wouldn’t hurt as much,
Maybe then I could start to live again…

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Butterflyx3's Blog

I’m confident enough to walk away,
Without having any ‘what if’s’ on my mind,                                                              
Not needing or wanting anything from you,
It’s all very simple.. really,
Fate wasn’t on our side,
We were just not written to be together,
I’m grateful for the times we shared,
The morning and nights we kept each other company,
The lovely words we exchanged,
But all we were doing is trying to fill a void,
A need,
I need something more then this,
How can I ask of you…
To give me something I know you can not give,
I shall not change myself,
Just to please you,
Nor will I pretend it’s meant to be,
So I choose to walk away before it’s to late,
I have come to far,
Let you break my weak heart,
I see our future way before it plays out,
That’s what scares me the most,
So I’m…

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Don’t speak

Give me another minute to pretend who we are, because you did not give me a chance to kiss you goodbye.

I kept reminding myself to be smart when you first put your finger gently on my bare chest.
“..this is your first time being so intimate with someone, don’t lose your brain..”
“ strong, take his hand away..”
“..ok may be his warm hand can linger on your stomach, but that’s it, don’t let him go any..OHHHH GOD IT FEELS SO GOOD..”

It was the tension.
The tension when you kissed my jaw and I wondered will you kiss my lips.
The tension when you took off my shirt and I wondered if you like what you see.
The tension when you bit my nipples and I wondered why it hurt so damn good.
The tension when you pressed your body on mine and I wondered if I can pause the time.

I guess you didn’t hear my heart break into pieces when few days later you said ” We were just playing, it was nothing”, but you confused me when you came back to “play” again and again.

How silly of me, thinking we could be together everyday.
How silly of me, thinking you would apologize after accusing me of being slutty.
How silly of me, keeping the door open in case you want to see me.

“..Please, love yourself, close the door already..”
“ will find someone better, but in the mean time, you will have tonnes of sad songs with you at night..”

But how, how do I forget you?

Damn it

I’m starting my final year of degree course, no kidding it ain’t easy. And no, it’s not so much of the thousand-pages-books-that-can-kill-elephant that I’m afraid of, it’s the apprehension to fall and never get back.

Throughout many nights of loneliness, I play with my broken self with the knowledge of their exact original location, but I’ve never got the guts to put them back together. Sometimes it’s just one piece away from my integrity, but I chose to start the puzzle again. May be I know how the puzzle is going to turn out in the end, or perhaps I don’t, it’s the hope of getting something different that I’m clinging on. May be this time luck will be on my side, and everything will be fabulous again..

It’s the insecurity, the damn insecurity, I’ll never be good enough.
Let’s start it over.

So may be I want to spend the rest of my life with you

That is the happily ever after kind of fairy tale that we have been told ever since snow white got that kiss from the beast, or after Ariel lost her glass slippers, or after Miley’s You Belong with Me.

I sat alone in living room, biting my apple, cogitating on the possibility of happily ever after of a single man after reading the engagement news of my ex-classmates on FB. Does love have to be filled be ripples of storm and tsunami and then THAT one kiss after breaking through all the obstacle and mean stepmother? Can it just be, a simple love? Perhaps the question mark is, do people still want a simple love? NO, don’t answer first. Hold your breath.

This morning I borrowed the beauty of sunshine and put it on my face. I found my spot in PizzaHut, planning to spend half of my day there with music and book, and more food.
All by myself. Is this love simple enough?

OR, last night I put on my swimming trunk and went for a dip. The sapphire blue water made my skin glow like an elf. I danced like a merman under the moonlight.
Do I want more?

Feeling the other lips on mine, sharing the luxurious warmth under my old comforter, singing with another person in an old car, or kissing under water in swimming pool.. Do I want more?

Eventually. Perhaps one fine day.
But what if nobody loves me?
What if the love goes sailing smooth, and we don’t want to believe its actual love?